Expectations and Mother's Day

By this time in my journey of Motherhood, I am very much aware of the tendency of Mother's, myself included, to judge one's self (and yes, others too).  Lately, I have been thinking about having expectations.  As in expectations of what happens in motherhood, of what I want, of what I want for my girls, of what my girls want or expect for themselves, of how I want my experience of motherhood to be and even expectations I have in my relationship with Kevin.  And along with thinking about these expectations, I have noticed my ability to judge these as well.

It seems that the idea of having expectations even surfaced for me today, on Mother's Day.

There are an incredible number of ways to express sentiment and appreciation on Mother's Day.  As I watched the stream of facebook status' of my Mom friends throughout the day, it was quite clear that many of them were sharing unique, but right for them, ways to spend their days.

There were experiences as special as waking up to breakfast in bed prepared by the littlest of chefs, to eating eggs benedict during brunch out, to spending time outdoors together, or cuddling with little people indoors, as well as being spoiled with gifts and fancy home prepared dinners.

Mother's Day expressions of appreciation really do come in all different shapes and sizes.

This year, much like last year, I wasn't catching the wave of sentiment for this day.  Of course I judge myself for this.  Why wasn't I gushing excitement for this day that was "supposed to be" all about me and my girls?   Once again, I found myself undecided about the whole occasion, and when being asked what I wanted for this special day, I didn't really know.  Or did I, but judged myself for it.

In the days leading up to today, the girls were excitedly announcing their plans for giving me the special gifts that they had each made at school and daycare.  I loved their excitement and I was anticipating receiving their handmade special items because I knew they would be made with lots of love and consideration of me.  I knew it was important to them to give me something special.

And they were special gifts.

This morning, after emerging from an extending lounging in bed compliments of Kevin, I was greeted by Kamille's big smile as she instantly stopping what she was doing so that she could find the card that she had hidden away.

And how gorgeous is this.....

Two lady bugs-  a Mama and her girl, walking along a stick.  Inside, a love note for me.

I hugged my Kamille and told her that because of her, I became a Mom!

Next up was Karis, skipping to the shelf under which she had hidden her handmade card for me.

check out the upside down yellow person!  i LOVE her people!  

Later in the day, she had found this and also said that it was for me for Mother's Day.  xo

Again, lots of snuggles and I love you's to her as well.

Earlier in the week, I was able to take home a gorgeous Karis-painted glass that had cut flowers in it.  It was such a cute arrangement that the daycare had arranged for their kids to give to their Moms.  What I loved the most, was Karis' effort to print her own name on the card.

On that day, as Karis presented this gift to me with a big huge smile on her face, I thought I might have picked up the wrong arrangement because surely, Cari is not my child, however her teacher said no, that Karis had made a go at spelling her own name.

When we got home that day I asked her to spell her name on a piece of paper from me and sure enough, she made a series of letters, in no particular order and some repetitive but the style of print was just as they appeared on this Mother's Day tag.  I love seeing her little learning unfold like this!


So anyways, I receive my gorgeous gifts from my girls, but now what?   Kevin said that he wanted to go out to our cabin and go on a family walk.  But today, on the day for me, I really didn't feel like doing this.

In my head, I was struggling with this idea of there being expectations for Mother's Day.  Like I wouldn't be doing it right if I didn't spend it with my girls.  After all, we are celebrating Mothering, right?  But today, I really didn't feel like Mothering in this way.

Isn't it also the idea that on Mother's Day Mothers have the opportunity to do what they want, with whom they want?  In the past years, I know that I have left home and enjoyed a few hours alone at a coffee shop with my laptop.  Now that was celebrating Mothering by giving me some time and space to myself.

Today, while considering what I need and wanted for this day and contemplating who's expectations I needed to live up to, I retracted by decision to join everyone on their family adventure to the cabin and chose to stay home.

(My decision may have been easier to make after Karis said to me, "You're a bad Mommy" to me when I was trying to help her pick out an outfit for the day.  Yes, that very well may have been the push point.  I did not need to have that in my day today, but whatever).   

I chose to stay home so that I could enjoy a day where I commit to all those Mothering tasks that don't get met - like the underside clutter of my bathoom vanity, or the over piled laundry baskets that need to be taken care of, all the piles and piles of I'll-get-to-it-later that build up over months and just the ability to think about making a phone call and actually follow through with it in that moment.

I'm not sure if was Kevin's expectation for the day and he may have been a bit upset over my lack of indecision in the last minutes, but really, if this day is about me, then this is what I wanted to do.

Within an empty and quiet house, I tinker, putter and get to things that I stashed away months ago, but I also feel guilty.  Guilty for NOT being with my girls.  So then I wished that I was with my mom.  Again, who sets this expectation in my head.  I doubt myself, thinking that I am not doing Mother's Day the right way.  Seriously though, I think I can blame this on PMS to some degree.  Good grief.

Thankfully, in the end, the bliss of uninterrupted productivity won over my stream of thinking.  I remind myself that I am often with my girls for days in a row when Kevin travels and its been particularly busy for him this past month.  I am not pushing my girls away, I am taking time for myself.  Resetting and recharging myself, preparing a clean and decluttered start to another week, giving myself some time to not have to Mother because after today, I will be back at it in full force in less than 24 hours.

In the end, I listened to the inner voice of myself - the one that was anticipating, hoping, and expecting some time off Mothering.  I wasn't doing it wrong.  I was doing it right for me.  I am glad that I had the opportunity to ask for this.  Thank you Kevin.

And yes, I do know that as much as all those moms out there were loving their time spent with their littles, there would definitely be a few willing to trade their day in for a day in solitude if given the opportunity.    I am just not sure if most would be cool with the idea of filling that day of solitude with housework and decluttering as I was.  ; )

Mother's Day ended with the stories of their day as we ate dinner that was made by Kevin.  It was nice to hear them talk their day.  I reassured myself that they didn't have any expectations of the day, or the idea that we must all be together on Mother's Day.  Their acknowledgement in the morning was precious and perfect for them.

Well, Happy Mother's Day the many Moms around the world.  My hope is that all Moms are acknowledged in some way, big or small, for this incredible role that we take on in life.
Its nice to be acknowledged.

A Spring Break Road Trip!

Before I was even thinking about Spring Break, my friend Dawn was planting seeds of fun for us!  Dawn is that friend of mine that is always on the ball with making plans for a good time!  We had contemplated a few different ideas - tubing, skating, and chillaxin' in Whistler or something in the direction of Vancouver.  It seemed that the possibilities were endless, however we did have to consider that our day of fun would include 2 desperate-to-catch-up-and-chat-all-day Mamas, a 6 year old, two 3 year olds and a 12 week old babe!  Soooo, that helped us to limit our options.

With bags of food packed (and I mean a tonne of food!), and with anticipation of total fun, we hit the road at 8am, on a rainy Wednesday morning.   The girls and I went to Dawn's home where we did a car seat shuffle so that we could all pile into Dawn's Delica.   It was perfect.  My girls, Dawn's boys and the Mamas!  Together, spacious and perfect for road trippin'.

The Official Deli Day Trip photo.....

the girls are making a heart shape with their hands!

And the official riders....

little miss reader entertaining the kiddos.

karis keeping it kool in the back

benny boy, pondering the events of the day to come.

Wee Man Kirby.  Secretly, he knows he's in charge of how anything and everything go down on this day.  

 Got 4 kids?  Check! 

 The bus driver, Dawn!

And me, the official photographer of the day....

what? no picture of me?  shocker!

So as I said, it was a crappo day, but a good thing that we had plans to be indoors. 

Our first destination was a place that we had absolutely no idea about, except for what we found online -  The Great Escape.  We arrived at about 10:30am.   Just prior to going in we stuffed our kiddos silly with the food we brought so that we didn't have to purchase the crap-tastic grease-drenched food or the teeny tiny $10 fruit and veggie plate they offered.  Can you believe you could not bring ANY food in at a place like this?  Not even if your kids had allergies. (We know because we tried that excuse!)   We needed our kids to stay cool, calm and energized for the day and we knew it wasn't going to happen if we fed them burgers and fries, cotton candy and pop for lunch.  So anyway, after  a mid-morning eat-as-much-as-you-can lunch in the Deli, we made our way in.  

It looked like a crazy indoor play structure and it was just that.  

Three layers of obstacles and fun all suspended above.  It was huge, loud and colourful.  

Immediately I felt my girls leech onto my legs.  Great.  My once excited girls were now terrified of this place.  I was not expecting this....or was I?  Come on now, really?   Kamille said she wanted to leave.  Um, ya.  I don't think so.  

Ben couldn't resist himself.  Once he was in, he took off.  But my girls needed a slower introduction and for the first hour or so I found myself crawling through the 3 foot high spaces overlooking all the other parents below.  I was hot and sweaty, but I knew that sooner or later my girls would venture on their own.  

Be patient.  

Wait for them, I reminded myself.    

And although I managed to widen the gap between me and them in all this play, they still preferred me to trudge along behind them.  

As much as I love that I was able to capture smiles during this, carrying around my camera through all these short and crowded spaces was a work out!  There were kids all over the place, even though I made a great effort not to get anyone else's kids in my shots.  

I did this one with her.

and I stayed back while she started this one.  she didn't like that much when she realized that i wasn't behind her!  

This kiddo was awesome!  He zipped around this place having the best time!  He was so great at checking-in with Dawn or hanging out with the girls, encouraging them to follow him!  

Dawn and I tagged off while we were there so that one of us stayed with Baby Kirby while the other blasted through with the kids.  It wasn't exactly the idea we had in mind.  We assumed that we'd be like many of the other Mom there that were gabbing for hours as their kids ran themselves silly up in the rafters.  Oh well.  

A couple hours later and our kiddos were drained.   We had done all that there was to do there, but we weren't ready for the day to end.  So we found our ourselves a next destination.....

Oh yes we did!  

I had never been to a Chuck E. Cheese's ever!  It. was. hilarious! 

My girls weren't too sure what to think of it all, but they soon figured out that all they wanted were tickets! tickets! tickets!  

the classic CC game, isn't it?  

This game was pretty simple and easy once you got the rhythm of pressing the button.

Basically, you press the button and the lizards tongue wacks the bugs or whatever it was that was moving by.   

But watching a three year old randomly press the button, without rhythm and always missing was hilariously painful to watch.   

 Giving it a go!  

The kids just whipped around this place, throwing coins into anything and then pulling out whatever tickets they earned for their effort.  

 Dawn and I got in there to help increase the ticket load!  

 I actually liked this cute thing that spit out of one of the machines!  

Classic.  

Each of the kids earned themselves a small treat from all the tickets they had collected.  It was good fun for them.  At the end of it all, we sat down for a delicious cheesy bread and cinnamon bread treat before  packing up the Deli and heading on back home.  

Such a fun road trip with the kids and Dawn!  

Even though we didn't get the great chat in that we had anticipated, we know that we managed a full, nearly 12-hour day with our kids without a single melt down.  Now that I would consider to be a success! 

Next time it will be a Dawn + Kristin road trip, without kids!  

Oh the possibilities are endless with this girlfriend of mine!  

Our First Official Spring Break!

With our home having a little Kindergartener, this year we had our first official Spring Break.   In this corner of the world, we get to have two weeks of NO SCHOOL.  Two weeks of no school would have been awesome as a kid, eh?  Lucky.  

This spring break followed the ending of a school term for me so I had the exact same time off school and that meant I could really enjoy the extra time with Kamille around.  

I didn't take any time off work, but I managed to make some "daycare" plans for her that would allow her to socialize with some old and familiar friends, and on my days off from work we made extra fun plans for all of us to enjoy and to make the time feel different and special.  

Being that Spring planned to be so present during these two weeks, one of our priorities was a brand new box of sidewalk chalk.   Ah, I so love a new box of chalk!    

Kamille had been asking for weeks to learn how to finger knit.  I had seen that it had become quite the trend among the students at her school and so because this would have totally been something I would have spent hours doing as a child, I could not wait to teach her.  

karis took this great shot of us! 

We definitely had to study some Youtube tutorials to find one that was just right for us.  

She really got into it and within a day, she had mastered the right technique for a tight tail of yarn.  

Oh and I don't want to forget that the chalk and yarn were purchased at Michaels Craft store which we went to on the first day of our Spring Break - it was a girls trip to the city and lunch at the Village Taphouse!  A refreshing kick off!!

sorry, its an instagram photo using an old iPod. ( i should write about my venture into instagraming!)

The girls had a pre-cabin season camp out in our house.  (And yes that is a Justin Bieber face staring at you! Thanks to my Mom!)

Actually a few weeks earlier they had a campout in a tent, in our home as well.  I love their enthusiasm for the great outdoors!

also a crappy iPod capture, but just look at that amazing lego fire I built!  

During one of the weeks, we were house sitting for our neighbour and the girls got to take care of their cat's daily needs.  A perk of it all was being able to use their hot tub!

look how excited kamille was!  

When Kevin was home we incorporated him into our adventures.  A quick drive down the highway allowed us to explore an ocean front that we hadn't been to since Kamille was a baby.

how amazing would it be to live with this as your view and the sounds and smells of the ocean every day!  

The wind was chilly but the sun had just that right strength of warmth to make it ok!

We found the perfect place to sit and take it all in.  

Karis and Kevin having some time together.....

i love her smile at him in this one!  

And there we sat....

But our little explorer preferred to gather quite the collection of items.  

Letting Kamille take the camera!

Captured by Kamille!  ; )

Karis was next.  And I captured her too!

We followed this view off with a stop at a great local place for french fries!  Yum!

i love nature! 

Oh and among the other things that we did, (which will come in separate posts to come), I also got excited about the chance to borrow my friends dehydrator.  Excited!  Yes I know, lame right?  But wow, you can have so much fun with fruit and so I wanted to give it a go.  

Ta da!  I had purchased a large amount of fruit on sale at the grocery store and at Costco in preparation for the big event!

Care for an apple chip?

Well there is more to come.  We had Easter and fun little day trips while on Spring Break!
It was definitely a good go at our first ever Spring Break!