When Kamille was about 5 months or so, I was really really struggling with her lack of sleeping at night because when she didn't sleep, I was obviously not sleeping and it was just a bad scene over all. On one particular morning, I was eating my breakfast and felt desperate for relief of some kind. I needed the sleeplessness to end. Although that request was completely out of my control, I resorted to the next best thing to deal with it - humour. I grabbed a pair of scissors, but open the Shreddies box that I had just finished and grabbed my big fat black magic marker. And in big black capitals I wrote FREE BABY on the backside of that Shreddies box and stuck it in my big kitchen window.
Now to most, this might seem like a good reason to call the Ministry on me, but at the time I was living in a very close knit townhome community where all of the units turned in towards each other and everyone that lived there was either parenting a baby or young child or had done so years ago. I felt very comfortable posting my FREE BABY sign knowing that anyone looking at it would giggle, relate or offer support.
My FREE BABY sign did just that. I laughed as I put it in my window and shortly afterwards I received two phone calls from neighbours offering support and also sharing a light hearted laugh with me.
It didn't take away the sleepless nights, nor did it take away my fatigue. But it did give me the opportunity to be real and say "Hello, I'm human and this is tough."
That is kindof the way that I have been feeling lately with my sweet, Kamille. Parenting is tough! Its like I never stop saying "STOP" to her or I'm constantly asking her to "use her listening ears." I've seen the scrunched up angry face that she gives me when she says "NO" in her most assertive voice way too much lately. And if its not the angry face, its the sound of an over dramatic fall to the ground "I want my Daddy" cry. To cap it off, this morning she refused to wear the brand new $47 pair of Stride Rite running shoes (that she picked out yesterday and said that she loved) and it nearly drove me to throw them at the wall. Argh!
I know its all relative to what might be going on for her or for me in life right now. I've been here before many times over the past 3 years.
While blog stalking last week, I came across this blog post written by a mother of 5 children. She writes about getting through the tough times by saying "I'm gonna miss this" over and over to herself. So, hhmmm, just what does this mean in the heat of a meltdown or gong show moment? What am I gonna miss about a crazy stressful moment?
Simply put, when faced with these challenges of motherhood, choosing to be calm and present in the moment with my babes is about all I can do for a successful outcome. Its what I can do to help her to move forward. And truthfully, if its a moment of chaos or a moment during a complete meltdown, I AM gonna miss it. Fifteen years from now when Kamille is 18 years old and her emotions and hormones are all over the board, I could only hope that I can just sit and be with her. I will wish that she would sit on the stairs for an 18 minute time-out to think and then we could talk it out afterwards rather than getting a door slammed in my face. I know at that time I am gonna miss when a simple hug could help her move forward or a kiss on her forehead would calm her down.
Or in the case of a sleepless night as I mentioned above, perhaps thinking 'I am gonna miss this' would remind me to cherish the quality time of just me and my girl, in complete silence, snuggling together for hours on end. I am sure that there will be nights when I am up at all hours of the night because I am waiting for her to walk through the front door, and right then I'm gonna miss the comfort of scooping her up out of her crib to rock her back to sleep.
I know this "funk" is only for now. I know that in one week we'll be through it and that there will be more in the future. But knowing that "I'm gonna miss this"is just one thing that I don't want to forget along this journey with my girls.

