Dear Diary

My very first post, and the title of this blog explain that I am a diary keeper.
When my girls came along I had an intense need to write notes to them about life with them.  I wanted them to have something to look back on when they are older - something to help them to remember our fun times together or know that they were so loved from the second they were each born.  I am doing just that, but I didn't just start the story of my life with them.  I've always kept some sort of diary, notebook or collection of papers that I've chronicled my journey through life in.

Recently, while digging through stuff in our crawl space, I came across my tupperware bin that holds all these written memories.  And as I sat there and began to open them up again, I could not stop reading.  A little from 1984, a little from 1994 and then some from 2004.  I had it all captured in words.

When I was younger, I used to think that one day someone would make a movie of my life (didn't everybody?).  I received my first diary in 1984 for my birthday and that is when it all started.   I wrote so that each and every detail could be used to make that movie true to my experiences.

Early years were very matter of a fact, you know, the important things like this.....

and this.....

translation:  Today Chucky (aka Charlie, my guinea pig) was shedding (fur) like crazy.  

So very important to remember, of course!  

And as I got older, the writing took on different meanings and purpose.  Diaries became places where I wrote my deepest and darkest secrets.  When I got into highschool my writing became my place of revealing the discrepancies between who I was and who I really wanted to be and be like.  It takes me through memories of good old highschool relationships, crushes and parties, times when I did sneaky stuff without my parent's knowing, how I felt about school,  and what I did in the jobs that I had.  I also wrote about my constant and incredible insecurities with having freckles and skinny legs and hair that was never long enough or blonde enough!  Geez!  I was tough on myself!

But the writing that most impresses me is my navigation through the late teens and twenties.  Through the toxic relationships, love triangles and constant evolution in forming my identity my writing is so clear, focused and real.  I am surprised by the amount of insight I had into my own actions and the actions of others.

Hindsight always provides 20/20 vision of how it all played out, but I truly believe that had I not wrote it all down, had I not cleared my head day after day, I would be a mess.  Back then, writing to myself allowed me to think and rethink my actions.  It allowed me to see growth in my decision making and relationship with myself.

In my work and career choices I have always gravitated to building relationships with at-risk youth, females especially.  Somehow I relate, I empathize and I connect with teenaged and 20-something year old girls the most.  I used to be able to say that I was close enough in age, that I wasn't too far off  being there myself, but as I approach my mid 30's that's not so much the case anymore.   Although I may not have the same experiences as many of the youth that I counsel today, I have experienced many of the same feelings that they experience - needing to belong and be loved, loving and being heart-broken, excitement and striving for independence.  

Discovering who you are is such a profound journey.  Being able to read about that journey is priceless!

My notes to my girls are as much for them as they are for me.  I look forward to looking back on my years as a new mother and being amazed by this journey!

Sex And The Small Town Girlfriends

It was about two years ago this week that the women of our small town flocked to the movie theatre, wearing their best 'city' clothes to see the premiere showing of Sex And The City: The Movie.  Me and my best girlfriends were part of that rush of women.  So excited and so ready to laugh, cry, love, hate and to be inspired by elaborate and over the top clothing and colourful accessories.

And following that night, with a strong sense of fashion and a taste in our mouths for a Cosmopolitan  martini, we all vowed to let the Shlumpadinka in us rest and forever try to be and look more fabulous each day.  It felt good.  There was more long and flowing hair,  more beads and bling, there were heels and dresses and more daring items of clothing being worn, all inspired by the one and only Carrie Bradshaw, of course!  

But being Carrie, Samantha, Miranda or Charlotte is a lot to keep up with and doesn't always work in this neck of the woods.  I really would love a gorgeous Burberry jacket, but I've opted for the practical Columbia Rain Jacket and instead of a pair of Manolo Blahnik heels, I did manage to coordinate a swanky pair of BOGS with that new raincoat.  

Perhaps if I tried a new pose, I could rock all this brown a little better? maybe? 

And well actually, I do have a Prada handbag, however, it is 100% knock-off, straight from the streets of Beijing, China.   

So now, two years later and a tendency to be sliding awfully close into shlumpadinka status, I was ready for another dose of fashion inspiration and girlfriend goodness.  

Lastnight was Sex And The City 2 night.  The quintessential "girlfriends going out" night.   And preparing for this night wasn't as sleek and breezy as Carrie makes it look.  After getting my girls dinner, while straightening my hair (picture hair straightener plugged into stove top outlet), I had half an hour to search through my closet for something fashionable and get out the door.  Starting with a string of beads for inspiration, it all started coming together.  I managed to stuff my breastfeeding boobs into a very small B cup strapless bra and finished off my outfit with a pair of heels.  A pair of vintage heels, I should say.  Straight from the former 725 Originals line from Walmart, circa 2001. They are my best kept secret, ya know!  ; )

And so with my outfit on, boobs stuffed, beads dangling and shoes at the door, I quickly threw a coat of red polish on my toes as I sat on the toilet so that I could multi-tasking (it was that quick, and yes, I am that good at mulit-tasking!).  This was certainly not my every day look and that was what I was going for.  

Upon my arrival at our theatre, I was surrounded by my amazing girlfriends and other inspired women of our town.  In the spirit of Sex and the City, there was definitely more bling, more flowing hair and pashmina and heel wearing than I usually see when I am hangin' with my girls.  We were all representing our most fabulous selves, for sure!

And this movie did not let us down!  The opening scene instantly gave me chills with all the girlfriend goodness, high fashion, perfectly matched soundtrack and excitement for the journey we were all about to go on with Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha.    

In true Sex and the City form, the wardrobes were plenty and so over the top and Samantha was her usual unbelievable self, but more than this it was the relationships and the stories that unfolded that really had me loving. absolutely loving. this movie.  For women of all kind, single or married, mothering or working on your career, perky or menopausal, this movie speaks to us all about the value of relationships among girlfriends and how these relationships pull us through life's high and lows.  

There were scenes that made me laugh and scenes that had me teary.  At one point I nearly let out a celebratory "woohoo" as Miranda and Charlotte drank to motherhood.  It was one of those movies that took you on a journey through the realities of four different lives.  We were shown a woman's perspective or situation, then taken to another way of viewing that same situation and seeing it entirely differently.   For some reason it was easy to relate to all ways.  There was a lot of real life in those women's stories! Hence, there is something for everyone in this movie.

And although I will never be able to afford or pull off a high fashion wardrobe or look stunning every. day., I do have the most important thing in common with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte - I too have amazingly gorgeous, talented, fun, supportive, empathetic and close girlfriends that will carry me through my life's ups and downs. 

So, with that said, it only seems appropriate that I lift my virtual martini glass and make a toast to all of my girlfriends!
Cheers to you!
Thank you for every little ounce of goodness that you bring to my life! 

Adventures in Camping

Back in September, after waking up in the wee hours of the morning to the rush of my water breaking, after an exciting two hours of labour and minutes of pushing, after the rush of holding my new baby Karis, making phone calls and loving up all of her newness, Kevin and I settled into our post-delivery room and in that first moment of silence after a whirlwind of events that had just unfolded, Kevin looked up at Karis and I and said, "So where do you think we should go camping this summer?"

Now Kevin might argue that exact statement, but there was no doubt that in those first moments of our life with Karis, he was thinking about our first family camping trip.  And this weekend, our Daddy's dream of taking all his girls camping happened!

Kevin comes by his love for camping honestly.  He claims that he doesn't have a lot of childhood memories, but what he does share are stories of camping with his family.  And thanks to his Dad, we acquired "all things camping" from the depths of his garage to continue this tradition. Woo wee!
We are ready for this.

We didn't go far, we were gone less than 24 hours, but this was just our trail run for the big one to come this summer.

Everything was going our way.  When we arrived, both girls were sleeping soundly in the car.  Kevin and I found the perfect ocean side site and we quickly unpacked, set up the tent and anticipated an afternoon in the sun.   However, shortly after setting up we were approached by a man who claimed to have our site reserved.  Turns out he did and the campground attendants had forgotten to label it as reserved.  Argh.  A small sidetrack, but there were many more great sites to choose from and after careful consideration we chose a new site that offered a view and some shelter from the wind.

And then once we were unpacked again, we let the K4 fun begin - starting with a little game of Hit The Rock between Kevin and I.

the object of the game is to hit the rock - with a rock.  the person who does it first wins.  

stand back kevin and watch how it is done....

oh, ya!  putting all those years of baseball to work....

if kevin argues that he won, i know for sure that i had about 80% of mine nearly hit that rock!

clearly, i am feeling good about my "@$$ kickin'"

And there were a lot of other people lovin' up our gorgeous surroundings.   

Later on, back at Camp K4 Headquarters, we started to get ready for dinner.  

        guess who was calling all the shots?

karis was the happiest kid in the tent!

So Kevin's greatest goal for this camping trip was to make us something called a Grill-a-Dog for dinner.  So what the heck is a Grill-a-Dog, you ask?  One of our inherited camping supplies is this niftly little gadget that lets you cook a hot dog, with all its toppings and wrapped in a piece of bread, while holding it over an open flame.  Kevin grew up with the Grill-a-Dog, something that I have never even heard of.  But its been years since he's had a Grill-a-Dog.  In fact, I don't even think he was old enough to even make his own Grill-a-Dog when he last had one.  

With that said, I present to you the Grill-a-Dog, straight off the hot fire......

 it still needs some practice, but i am sure that by our next trip, we will be eating more of these delicious treats

one thing we learned - the ring.  notice the 'do not cross' ring around the fire pit for kamille.  one of our camping rules has been established!  check! 

Following dinner, I had high hopes for a quiet night around the fire with Kevin.  I was hoping to just stare in to a blazing fire and that we could talk about all the things we would do if we won the lottery or maybe I could kick his butt at a game of Skip-Bo.  

Kamille happily snuggled into her sleeping bag and after a I told her a bedtime story about two little girls named Kamis and Karille, she was off to dream land.    

However, our wee Karis had other plans and did not settle well.  Those darn teeth!  After much effort to keep her from waking up the entire campground, we all packed into the tent and called it a night.
When we woke up in the morning, it was lightly raining...a good morning to go back to the comforts of  home!

i think that i am a fair-weather camper   

We had a great trial run.  The girls loved it.  Kevin got his camping fix and I loved being with my family.  There is something to be said for having zero distractions from the every day.  No phone, no computer, no TV = 100% Quality Time spent with my K's.

Teething Sucks

I'm pretty sure that Karis would agree with me on that.

Poor girl was broken yesterday morning.  Her upper teeth are about to make their debut, but they are giving her a rough time before the big show!

not even her gorgeous hand-made bunny from Stacey could help her to forget the pain 

Thank goodness for swings.  Swings and your bestest boyfriend made it all feel better in the afternoon. 

 they both look like they are massaging their gums with their lips.  its tough being a baby!

pure love in a swing....

Pure Bliss

Two things happened today that I don't want to forget.  Two things that I did not capture in a photo, but perhaps words will help me to remember the feelings and make the moments last in my mind.  

First.

Karis, you are teething.  You are sad and in pain and need me to comfort you and distract you from this pain during the day.  My sweet girl, after a morning of swimming at the local pool with Kamille and I, you started to slowly lower your eyes as we were having lunch.  You were tired.  You were so obviously tired.  I snuggled you in and we went upstairs to rock in the chair.  You fell asleep in my arms.  I put you down.  You looked perfect with food smeared all over your small face.  

You slept for a long time.  The longest you've slept since your days of newborn sleeping.  You slept for somewhere near 2 hours, maybe even 2.5 hours.  And when your sister wanted you to be awake, I crept into your bedroom to see how you were.  You were lying there, face down, peering out between the bars of your crib.  You must have just woken up because when I approached you, you slowly took me in, slowly lifted your head as your eyes began to brighten.  The food on your face had continued to dry out and it was now a flaky mess around your mouth.  You began to move towards my face, but you were surprised when your head bumped against your crib.  You tried again and I tried to get my kissy lips close to you through the crib rails.  Your hands reached out to me and your smile began to grow, but not the usual big smiley face that I come to greet each morning after a good long night's sleep.  

So, I picked you up and you moved around in my arms, moving your head back and forth until you found the most perfect spot to rest your head beside my neck and on my shoulder.  Your arms stretched out to allow your hands to grip my arms.  You were hugging me and I immediately pulled you in tighter.  I lightly put my hand on your head and pressed your back to my chest.  Please don't let this end, I thought.  It. was. perfect.   When our hug ended I immediately was drawn to think of us as a special team in our little family.  Kamille is so connected to your Daddy.  She has such a special bond with him.  Is there a special bond between mother's and their youngest children?  Because if there is, I felt it today in that hug.  

I always want to remember you doing this.  

Second.  

Kamille, after I left your bedside tonight to take your sister to her room I listened to you continue to read bedtime stories.  And as I rocked Karis to sleep and listened to your voice, and eventually I noticed it trail off.  It often happens that you read yourself to sleep.  After I put Karis down in her crib, I peeked into your room and there you were, asleep beside your book.  

I snuck up beside you, kissed your forehead and said"Goodnight my love," as I walked away.  I heard a faint voice barely say "Goodnight" back to me.  I stopped and turned around, not sure that I heard you, so I whispered, " I love you" and you whispered back, "I love you mommy."  You didn't move, you didn't open your eyes.  You were falling into sleep with love on your mind.   

Sweet dreams, my love.

I always want to remember you saying this.   

Pure Bliss.  

xoxo

A Love List

I got the idea from a random commenter to my blog.  She blogs a weekly Love List which consists of the things that you love most in life - the things that make you feel most content in the world, and most like you.  Over time you are detailing the things you love the most in life.

So today, with feelings of a little of this and a little of that, I create my first Love List of things that I have loved in the past month or so.

I love...

1.  the excited look that Karis gets when I take the cheerios out of the cupboard.  Its like I can't get them to her fast enough as she flails her arms in the air with anticipation for the goods.

2.  the way that Kamille sings Oh, Canada.  It goes like this,

Oh Canada, for man can freeze, 

for glowing hearts,

 we stand on guard,

 for keep our land, 

for truth....Oh, Canada....

3.  river side picnics, like this one we had last weekend.

4.  digging out my collection of denim capris, and having them fit really well!   Since I was pregnant last spring and summer I didn't get to wear any of them so they are all like new to me again!

5.  my new bedroom.  A new king mattress, bed frame, duvet cover, bamboo sheets and wall art.  My room is bright, airy and peaceful.

in fact its so new that the art work is not yet hung, but resting on our bed frame.  

and on gorgeous sunny days, we have blue skies above and green trees outside

  5.  my new Epicure Selections Top 12 Kit!  A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to host an Epicure Party presented by my friend Dawn.  My Top 12 kit has inspired me to make tangy Lemon Chiffon fruit dip, spicy Guacamole, flavourful Margherita pasta sauce, a tasty Rigatoni casserole and spiced up cod fillets - all this, in this week alone!

6.  successfully pulling off my first attempt at family portraits.  My friend Pam had asked me to take photos of her family.  No pressure.  Just to see what comes out of it.   I had a great time and I think we got some great shots.

such a gorgeous family

7.  Lisa Leonard jewellery.  I found her designs through other blogs that I follow and  I. am. in. love.  I am very close to making a purchase for myself, but I can't decide.  It will be a big treat for me.

8.  our Mother's Day at the zoo.  I'd never been to a zoo before.  The animals were amazing.

9.  getting my Today's Parent magazine in the mail every month.  Because its fun to get fun mail!

10. when my Kamille looks just so darn cute, that I am forced to grab my camera to remember the the moment.

            yes, she is a fashionista, in training.

and a Bonus Love, 


11.  Blogging.  In the past 3 months I have loved telling our stories, in full and in colour.  I have been inspired by other bloggers, by their stories of mothering and loving.  I have loved creating this blog for remembering.