Girls Growing Up, Mama Moving Forward

Its not a significant day or milestone that she's achieved recently that prompts me to write all about my Karis.  She is days away from being 22 months old and at nearly 22 months old I am finding myself moving through changes at a pace that is unstallable or stoppable.  It all keeps unfolding with acceptance and a lot of reflection on the past 22 months.  Being two just doesn't seem little like being one and soon she'll no longer be "baby baby."  I am moving into that stage of no longer being the mother of a baby.

Oh how I just love babies!  

Anyway, where am I going with this?
It seems that every few months a parent is exposed to these rolling transitions that see infants turn into babies, and babies turn into toddlers.  Its noticing that 12mos sized jammies have toes poking through them and then you automatically jump to 18mos sizes just like that.  When bottles become sippy cups, babbles become words, walkers become kid-sized strollers, diapers become wee undies, cribs become big girl beds and run bikes become two-wheelers.

This week finds me at the place where I am washing my cloth nappies for the very last time.  This is the same age when Kamille grew out of them too, but I knew then that one day I'd be using them again.  This week I said goodbye to my diaper pail and my cheap-as-they-come-but-perfect-for-my-girls' Kushies diapers from birth to 22 months.  I didn't use cloth exclusively and we've still got the Costco sized Huggies in size 4 to remind me of just how little she still is,  but just like that we've moved on to the next phase and it will only be a few short months before we are buying wee girl undies for this baby of mine.

I must stay that it has been far easier to pack away the cloth nappies than it has been to say goodbye to nursing my sweet baby Karis.  Up until about 3 weeks ago Karis was a night time snuggle-nursing baby and had been for a couple months prior to that.

Back when it all began I had no idea of how the whole breastfeeding experience would go.   I have been so fortunate to have nursed both my girls and I always just assumed that we could come to a finale with nursing together, me and my girls.  Kamille was a morning snuggle-nursing baby and just as life started to pick up the pace, we gradually stopped making time for our early morning moment together...and again I fell back on the expectation that I would one day nurse a babe again so just around 19 months in Kamille and I took that step together.

Back in November, when Karis was just 14 months I had to attend 5 days on-campus for school.  Not only was I an emotional wreck attempting my first term of my MA program, but I was also sooooo pissed that school was going to be taking away my ability to nurse my baby.  In the days leading up to it, I was so sad that it would be over.  I savoured that last time I nursed her and struggled with the fact that this was not my plan and I was not prepared to say goodbye to the closeness and calmness that nursing her brought to me.   The day I came home from my 5 days of school, I pretty much melted on the floor of Kamille's bedroom where they were all waiting for me to return.  I was greeted with a hug from my big girl and Karis immediately crawled over to me, lifted my shirt and grabbed at my boob.  I WAS IN HEAVEN!  Turns out my baby and my boobs were very forgiving and we were back at it in regular form.  So delicious for me!

1 year old!

But now we've really crossed that road.  Time spent in my arms before bedtime was getting more fidgety and often times a quick snuggle and straight into the crib was what she wanted.  Her time on my boob was getting shorter and shorter and my boobs were responding to the lack of attention at this point.  One night she was so exhausted she barely acknowledged being in my arms and she feel asleep immediately. I took this as a sign and for a while I just waited until she reached for the boob before being prepared to offer it.  And gradually she just stopped looking for boob and enjoyed our quiet discussions while looking up at my face.  When I realized this was happening I completely accepted it but just for creating a lasting memory, one night I pulled out a boob and watched her with the most intentional awareness, taking in every last second of this very precious role that I played in her life for 21 months.  It was short and sweet but such a delicious moment to have had to wrap up this stage in our lives together.

Moving forward......
(I can still scoop her up into my arms and hold her entire body against mine)

This baby girl is awesome.  And although it sometimes pains me to see her break through these stages on what seems like a fast-forward pace, I do love the little girl that is emerging.

A Leap Of Faith

Ten years ago today I took a leap of faith.  

I was given the phone number of a guy that my friend knew.  She said that she thought we'd be a good match.  

It didn't take me long to decide to call.  I had already been through three blind dates.  I had been planning a recording for a telephone dating message but was having trouble coming up with just the right words to describe me in a voice recording.  Surely making a phone call to someone who my friend thought highly of was the better option.  

It was late afternoon.  I said hello.  He sounded pleasantly surprised that I had called.  I was nervous to hear that he was 30 years old, I felt so childish at 25.  

We talked for a bit and planned to talk some more during the week.  With each call I grew more and more interested.  More and more curious about this guy Kevin who was starting to sound like the ideal guy for me.  We made plans to meet face to face.  I had to cancel those plans.  I had to convince him I was still interested.  

Nervously, I waited on a bar stool attempting to lock eyes with all the good looking guys in the pub.  One after the other they passed me by.  Then the door opened, someone approached me.  The voice of the person I was falling for, the look of someone I wasn't sure of.  Mutton chops Sideburns can be shaved off, right?  

I said goodnight and went home somewhat disappointed.  I had fallen for him on the phone.  I was upset with my superficial response to meeting him in person.  Was I looking for a reason not to believe?  I challenged myself to leap again.  

It wasn't love at first sight.  I was twisted up for months to follow.  Something kept pulling me closer.  

I leapt again putting all my faith in the idea that "good guys really do exist."   

I started to love.

(and the sideburns got smaller, but then I decided that I loved those too!)

One of my favourite photos of us

 Our first picture together was shortly after we met,

Certainly not flattering for Kevin as he was eating, but those are the "mutton chops" that I couldn't get past (although I think that the thickness of them had been trimmed at this point!).
Regardless, I can't believe I almost turned away over those.

I believe in taking leaps of faith.
Those leaps of faith saw me through one of the best times in my life.
Tonight I am remembering the 10 years of life with My Kev.
xo

Two Wheels, One Big Step

For Kamille's second birthday Kevin bought her a Skuut balance bike.  Living in a town that is internationally known for its mountain bike trails, it was only natural that the bike riding begins at a young age!  We were totally excited for her to learn and it did take her some time before she was really interested in riding her bike, but eventually she did.  Last year when Karis was a baby she was really skuuting around on her bike quite a bit.

However, this year Karis has taken quite a liking to the Skuut bike and we've lowered the seat for her size and this meant that Kamille would need a new bike.  After a few heated discussions with Kevin about what her next bike would be, I happened to stumble upon a FREE bike that my co-worker had.  SCORE!

Now Kamille has been a bit hesistant about riding a two-wheeler but the whole point of the balanced bike was to get the balance to be able to skip the training wheels stage.  My fingers were always crossed that she would do it like so many other kids in our neighborhood have done.  Turns out that a brand new bike was just the motivation she needed! 

Kevin and I prepped her with motivational talks about riding a bike, getting through the tippy feeling, being prepared for falls and the potential for scrapes and bruises.  She showed us that she was ready one day by coming downstairs with doubled up leg warmers under her jeans and leg warmers up her arms for added protection.  Sadly it was raining that day and so the bike thing didn't happen, but darn was she ever cute and excited!

This past weekend we weren't planning to do the bike thing and were busy doing other things, but when were outside and she suggested it Kev and I were all for it. 

somehow the extra padding wasn't required today and the skirt was necessary!

 

And just like that we found ourselves at that moment in parenthood where our big girl took one more giant step forward in her growing up.

I positively love this face that she makes when she is trying to hide her excitement and pride behind a slight smile.  xoxo

There were some wabbles and a lot of moments where the crowd of on-lookers commanded more of her attention than her bike riding, but she managed to find some balance with some help. 

 

We didn't force her, we were gentle and didn't let her fall.

 

Apparently it was so exciting that Karis wanted in on all the action too.

While Kamille took a break for a bit, I took my little girl for a spin to keep her from feeling left out....

And when Kamille was ready for another go at it we jumped to it.
And just like that.....

 

Kevin

 

let

 

go....

This is right abut the time when that tear jerking pang hit me and I was watching through glassy eyes. 

 

And it only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to make my heart swell and just enough "Wow, I did it" excitement for Kamille to really be inspired to ride a two-wheeler! 

She's still a few days practice away from doing it all on her own, but man is this ever exciting for us all!

That trying-not-to-smile look!  ; )

Yay for our Kammer!

xoxo

(I am so not ready for the falls, cuts and bruises myself!)