A Ballet Story: Part One

This story all began in the final week of September 2012.  Kevin and I were in Tofino on a mini holiday while my mom was home with the girls.  Karis' very first ballet class ever was schedule while we were away and my mom was very excited to take our budding dancer to her class.  

Sadly, the report we got following that day was filled with stories of a girl that was less than excited to be a dancer.  What?  This just didn't make sense.  In the years prior she had seem Kamille get dropped off to her own ballet classes, and together they had become a pair of great dancers.  When Karis turned three in early September it was not here turn to be that girl that she had always seen Kamille being!  

Well, apparently she wanted nothing to do with the class that my mom took her too.  Yes, she was the youngest girl there, but my mom said that she was beyond excited about it all, up to the moment that she got to the ballet room.  Basically my mom held her hand through the entire class and was likely dragging her throughout in effort to encourage her.  Eventually my mom said she gave in and they just sat and watched on the sides.  

One funny story my mom recals was that while all the little ballerina's were sitting in a circle with their legs outstretched, and doing some flex and point exercises, Karis piped up and said, "when are we going to dance?"  Awe Karis, it just wasn't what she thought it would be, I suspect.  

The very next week, I dressed up my little ballerina as she wore a smile on her face in anticipation of her next dance class.  We had talked about joining in and doing some dancing.  She wore her hair in a special pony tail.  She walked around shoring off her pretty look.  Surely she was ready this time around.....

That is until I brought my camera out.  

She stood behind the door and looked at her gorgeous reflection.  Unsure?  

 I'm not sure what was going on for her, but her look of excitement faded quickly.

And maybe it was just that - too much excitement made about it....

I positively love love love this next photo.  Its such her look when she's giving me a "slightly-fake" look of sadness.  She so does this face!  As much as its a sad face, I can't help but say, "faker!" to myself!  Oh sweetness!

We had a chat and I am sure that if she had the words, she would explain to me that she felt nervous or slightly unsure about what to expect again.  She was assured that I would be there with her and that all she had to do was have fun and dance.   Her spirits appeared to lift.  She returned to the mirror.....

 And just like that, she was smiling about it all again.

Together, we drove to her class and talked about all the dancing that she would get to do.  I reminded her that Nana had helped her through the first class but that I would stay on the side and watch her and that we would send photos to Nana to show her how well she did on her own!

one of these things is not like the other.....

Her dance teacher was so understanding and patient with her....

Miss Jessica stayed with her through most of the class.  On occasion when Karis would come to my side, I would go out and slide her back in to be with her other ballerina girls and then slowly move away off to the side again...

 She was just so cute and shy and still taking it all in.  Figuring it out for herself.

Its not like she doesn't like to dance.  She loves to dance, but dancing in a class like this is just different than dancing at home with your sister and mom, right? 

Eventually Karis made her exit off stage left that day, but I still had hopes that our ballerina was going to blossom in time.   I was willing to bet on it!  

Catch My Breath

You know that feeling of just getting by?  Running on fumes?  Not making time for yourself?  Forgetting what its like to breathe normally?  

I've had a school term that turned into all of that.  Its still not over as I have just one more paper left, but at least I caught my breath and now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to say.  

Although it started out as promising - the idea of taking two courses, on campus all day Saturdays - the work load proved to take me out of the "norm" that I had adjusted to in just taking one course.  Its kind of like trying to do it all and then some.  The "then some" affects everything -  parenting, being a partner, my work role, my attitude, my outlook, my ability to manage stress and even my sense of enjoying life.   

Yes, there were things to enjoy in February, like my mom coming to visit, I inherited an iPod from Kevin and joined Instagram and Kevin and I getting away for a night in Vancouver, but looming with all of that was the feeling of just barely treading water through it all.  Devoid of joy, really.  

This past Sunday was the day after my final class.  I still had two papers to complete that I had got an extension on, but on Sunday I was planning to sit in a library to get down to that.  That is until I saw the day when I woke up.  Sun, snow-capped mountains, blue sky, warm temperatures.  

Kamille and I had a date planned in the morning.  As much as I struggle to stay connected to Kevin during this all, I experience a crappy disconnect from my Kamille at times like this.  When that happens our relationship is about as conflictual as a teenaged girl and and her parent after coming home drunk at 3am.  Yikes.   I can't stand that feeling.  

so we connected again (instagram photo!)

Kamille and I walked to a local coffee shop and enjoyed a morning snack together.  We talked about our "fighting" and pressed our "reset" buttons together.  The sun shone down while we walked home together holding hands.  I was beginning to feel less than inspired to crawl up at a table in the library after experiencing the warming of the sun.  

So rather than write my paper in full disappointment, I insisted on a family walk.  

Because the transition into Spring is one of my favourites to observe.  It happens in the blink of an eye and to lose sight of it, especially on a day like this, would be disappointing.

There are many photos of this trail behind our home, but spring time is my favourite time to photograph it because it comes alive more and more by the day.

 A view that never gets boring.

When Kamille was little we spent a lot of time with our Buddy dog at this spot.  Sometimes the walk along here feels a bit like a memory lane.  Lots of good times in this place.  Its just like our place where we keep our trailer, the landscape is always new and changing.

 Breathe.

On this day there was a massive "Nature's Playground" that had formed when the river was running.

 One large root system caused the great collection of logs on the other side of it.

Our footprints are so little in the big picture.  

 Running bare feet in the warm sand..

 Taking time to just be.

 To be little in this big beautiful corner of ours.

Karis and I walked off to throw rocks.  Our Buddy dog would have joined us for a swim if he was still here.

 I was so glad to have picked up my camera.  It had been days, weeks.

 I missed seeing these girls in this way.

Skipping rocks is always entertaining.  

Karis has this awful squeal that she has managed to perfect while indoors over the past couple weeks.  On this day, I insisted that she get it out before we left to go back home.

 Thank you Kevin for taking these photos of us!

 Clearly, I needed a day like this...

 Oh the love. xo

 My little bum.  xo

 Our gorgeous corner of this earth!  xo

 Adventure. xo

 Spring. xo

 And such a great time being together.  

As I type this, I have one paper that stands in the way of a 3 week school break.
I am grateful for this recharge last weekend and the gorgeous rewarding sun after I finished a paper yesterday.
I cannot wait to pick up my camera again and catch up on all of our stories.