Sick

Warning:  I write about barfing...because I did.  A lot. 

It was right about 3pm yesterday when I was finishing up with a staff meeting that I suddenly had the urge to sleep.  It was like BAM and I needed to be at my desk with my head down.  So I assumed the “first trimester” position at my desk, breathing deeply to refresh some energy but that wasn’t working.  Soon the nausea kicked in and I found myself hurling the entire contents of my lunch in the “semi-public” washroom at work.  In hindsight it is likely one of the grossest things ever to me, but I was in no state of mind to judge in that moment.  Figuring that it was all over and a bad lunch had escaped me, I desperately searched for gum in the office and decided that I was ok to get some paperwork done.  However, I found myself staring at my computer and now questioning if I was pregnant.  I quickly call Kevin and say, “Tell me there is no way that I could be pregnant!”  And after the “it would be immaculate conception” speech from Kevin I hung up the phone feeling another wave of exhaustion coming on.  This time I packed up my things and headed home. 

At about 2km from home the nausea kicked in and I was breathing deeply to save the interior of my car.  I greeted Kevin as I ran past him and graced him with sound of yet another lunch up-heave.  I thanked him for rubbing my back and headed straight upstairs and fell into my bed. 

At this point the exhaustion was far beyond the “first trimester” type and I was feeling rather loopy.   More hurling.  Then sweat.  Then chills.  Yikes.  This was no good. 

At 5pm, I heard Kevin leave to get the girls at daycare.   OMG the girls!  OMG Thank God that he was home.  There was no way I could have got out of bed to get the girls, let alone make them dinner and get them ready for bed.   I sat there in complete panic about what I would do if he was away working this week.  Who would I call?  Fortunately I came the conclusion that should it happened that I have the BEST group of friend that would positively step up to help out.  I just love my community of friends! 

In the meantime, Kevin decided that I would be quarantined after learning about a nasty flu virus that has been circulating town.  So I spent the rest of the early evening listening to the sounds of Kevin and the girls go through the dinner and bedtime routine.  He is so good.  Since it was my body that was fatigued and not my mind, I lay there lifelessly allowing a stream of consciousness consume my thoughts, everything from wondering how movies get made, to recalling that this day, January 19^th was Kamille’s due date, to how this "doing nothing" was putting me behind in my school work.  All I could do was think.  My thoughts were all scrambled.  

By this time the body aches, the complete discomfort of continuing to hurl the inner scrapings of my stomach, the sweating, the chills and the fatigue had me really grumpy and sad.  I was calling Kevin on his cell phone to communicate with him, request a glass of water and tell him that I was feeling aweful (incase he forgot about me).  I am not good at doing sick. 

After the girls went down we agreed to a drop off exchange outside the bedroom door.  He left me my work bag and laptop and I left him his toothbrush and a fresh set of bedsheets for the pull-out couch.   I contemplated the idea of trying to distract myself by surfing online or catching up with school posts, however, I found myself staring at my google homepage until my computer feel into sleep mode.  Nope, no energy to even move the curser. 

I scoured the bathroom cabinet for pain meds and decided to pop an extra strength Tylenol to see if it would help.  I swallowed it and pleaded with my body to keep it in.  I visualized the whole experience of that red tablet and imagined how much time it would take for it to dissolve as though it was in a race with another wave of nausea….Fortunately my Tylenol won and eventually I could feel the pain alleviating in my back and shoulders.  I must have drifted into a light sleep after that and awoke at 9:45 or so feeling ok.  The water was staying down too.  I think I was winning this battle!   

At that point I had just spent 6 hours in bed doing nothing.  That is not an easy place to sit for me.  I tried to justify it by reminding myself about making time for rest and for catching up on sleep and gave up the idea of needing to do school work or other things on my to-do list. 

I spent the next 2 hours tossing and turning in bed, peeling off the layers of clothes that were once keeping me comforted.  I heard Karis stirring in her bed and crying out randomly at times.  Oh, please I do not wish this on any of my family members, especially my girls.  How sad to know that there is nothing that you can do but hug them and nurse them through such a terrible way to feel.  Time, its  letting that nasty bug take hold of you while you fight it with every bit of 'doing nothing' until you feel better.  

In silence, my thoughts were also with the many people who live in the reality of feeling this sick everyday. I am grateful.  I am grateful for my health, that this is just a bug and not something I am attempting to conquer on a daily basis.  I am grateful for my Kevin, I am grateful for my girls.  

Difting in and out of sleep for the remainder of the night, popping another Tylenol, mustering up the energy to sit up to sip orange juice in the morning.  I can take my time.  Its not a work day for me.  

Today is nothing but movies on the couch with the girls and watching them from my horizontal position.  Watching them.  Really taking this time to watch their expressions and interactions.  They are gorgeous. 

I'm sick, but I will be better within 24 hours.   (which should be any minute now.......)

in the meantime, this makes me laugh