As January crept in on us, I was reminded of all that is to come this month. Its all things that are familiar and not new, just a wack of things that are going to change the pace of life. In 2 days I will go back to work after having sixteen amazing months off to be with my girls. In 2 days the girls will go to daycare three days a week. In 5 days I start a new school term on route to completing my MA. In 6 days Kamille will celebrate her 4th birthday and in 20 days I will also have a birthday. Its all stuff that is familiar, but each day is going to be incredibly different than how I've been living life over the past year or so.
I have been preparing. The whole clean up, de-clutter, organize and purge part of the Christmas holiday was part of this preparation. Getting rid of things that might get in my way or become a distraction or become a reason to procrastinate. I have been noticing my free time and really really really living in that moment, because I know that I will crave the feeling of not having the demands of a school assignment or rushing to get out the door for meetings at work soon enough.
And although I have returned to work after a maternity leave before, this time I will have two kids to pack up and get to daycare. A bit scary to think about how early I will have to get up now, but I suppose in time it will all feel normal. I have been thinking about packed lunches and what they will look like, what they will contain and how fast I can get them made 3 nights a week. (Can you believe that friggin' packed lunches are the very thing that give me nightmares about this whole new change coming up. In fact, I wrote about this moment back in June. The dreading has begun).
In mid December I made the decision to scale back on the amount of school that I am doing. I am only going to take one course each term, which will make my MA program a very loooooong one. I anticipate that at this rate I will be done in 2017 or a wee bit sooner, but there just is no other way to do it all and be ok. I would have not done well if I kept up at the pace I was going and added work to my week. I am breathing easier knowing that it will be less school work, however, I know that it will continue to consume a lot of my free time.
And all of this is in preparation for Pressing the Reset Button.
A few years ago now, when Stacey and her family were going through a huge shit-show of road blocks and barriers to getting on a flight to Calgary I thought of this phrase. I recall that they ended up having to miss a flight and get booked onto a later flight all because of some random reason that they could not fly with their dog. I ended up driving to meet them in the city so that I could bring Wilson back home so that they could get on the next flight. They were in a car full of stress, frustration and likely had a hungry, tired, crying baby in the back seat. Super bummer. It just sucked for them. When I met them I handed them over a bag of fruit and snacks and on a tiny piece of paper I had written a note to them that said "Press The Reset Button." At that point that was all they could do. Give up the past, get into the moment and move forward. To this day, Stacey and I continue to use that phrase when we find ourselves needing a new anchor in our day.
This January I am keeping my reset button close by. I want to feel grounded for each new each day and all the change that will come. All this preparing is getting me closer to feeling more put-together, feeling capable, emotionally and mentally prepared to move forward with a clean slate. I am forgetting about what has gone wrong in the past, what not-so-great ways that I have parented or what things got me rattled and frustrated. I am looking forward and thinking positively.
I'm pressing the reset button on life, knowing full well that I can't carry anything into January. I don't have the space or time to think about past mistakes or the things that I didn't get done.
I'm pressing the reset button and I am keeping it close by so that I remind myself to start again.
It reminds me of one of my favourite lines in Anne of Green Gables that Miss Stacey says to Anne,
I suppose I am resolving to pressing that button as much as I need to - just don't let it get away from me!
2010 was an incredible year of self-awareness and intentions to be an amazing parent. Please please please 2011, please let this continue for me.
I have been preparing. The whole clean up, de-clutter, organize and purge part of the Christmas holiday was part of this preparation. Getting rid of things that might get in my way or become a distraction or become a reason to procrastinate. I have been noticing my free time and really really really living in that moment, because I know that I will crave the feeling of not having the demands of a school assignment or rushing to get out the door for meetings at work soon enough.
And although I have returned to work after a maternity leave before, this time I will have two kids to pack up and get to daycare. A bit scary to think about how early I will have to get up now, but I suppose in time it will all feel normal. I have been thinking about packed lunches and what they will look like, what they will contain and how fast I can get them made 3 nights a week. (Can you believe that friggin' packed lunches are the very thing that give me nightmares about this whole new change coming up. In fact, I wrote about this moment back in June. The dreading has begun).
In mid December I made the decision to scale back on the amount of school that I am doing. I am only going to take one course each term, which will make my MA program a very loooooong one. I anticipate that at this rate I will be done in 2017 or a wee bit sooner, but there just is no other way to do it all and be ok. I would have not done well if I kept up at the pace I was going and added work to my week. I am breathing easier knowing that it will be less school work, however, I know that it will continue to consume a lot of my free time.
And all of this is in preparation for Pressing the Reset Button.
A few years ago now, when Stacey and her family were going through a huge shit-show of road blocks and barriers to getting on a flight to Calgary I thought of this phrase. I recall that they ended up having to miss a flight and get booked onto a later flight all because of some random reason that they could not fly with their dog. I ended up driving to meet them in the city so that I could bring Wilson back home so that they could get on the next flight. They were in a car full of stress, frustration and likely had a hungry, tired, crying baby in the back seat. Super bummer. It just sucked for them. When I met them I handed them over a bag of fruit and snacks and on a tiny piece of paper I had written a note to them that said "Press The Reset Button." At that point that was all they could do. Give up the past, get into the moment and move forward. To this day, Stacey and I continue to use that phrase when we find ourselves needing a new anchor in our day.
This January I am keeping my reset button close by. I want to feel grounded for each new each day and all the change that will come. All this preparing is getting me closer to feeling more put-together, feeling capable, emotionally and mentally prepared to move forward with a clean slate. I am forgetting about what has gone wrong in the past, what not-so-great ways that I have parented or what things got me rattled and frustrated. I am looking forward and thinking positively.
I'm pressing the reset button on life, knowing full well that I can't carry anything into January. I don't have the space or time to think about past mistakes or the things that I didn't get done.
I'm pressing the reset button and I am keeping it close by so that I remind myself to start again.
It reminds me of one of my favourite lines in Anne of Green Gables that Miss Stacey says to Anne,
It certainly is."Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."
I suppose I am resolving to pressing that button as much as I need to - just don't let it get away from me!
2010 was an incredible year of self-awareness and intentions to be an amazing parent. Please please please 2011, please let this continue for me.
Nicely said!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading this - you make my day!
Wow, great post Kristin!!
ReplyDeleteI will re-visit this post on days when I need to press my 'reset button'.
Good luck next week, I'll be thinking of you!!
Oh, the one thing I recommend for you with going back to work is to get a cleaning lady!
I am definitely going to borrow your 'reset button' theory! I can see myself needing it a few times over the next few months as I feel the overwhelming-ness of packing, renovating and moving setting in!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, and I look forward to your 2011 blogs! xo
Thanks Heathers and Erin!
ReplyDeleteAll the best to you in 2011. Thank you always for your awesome comments!
So wise! You just summed up what the 'Book of Awakening' said for January 2nd. If you go to Amazon and 'look inside' the book you can go to first pages and read Jan. 2nd.
ReplyDeleteThanks for a fantastic reset!