Five Years

Five years ago today our life changed incredibly.
If I could go re-live the day that Kamille was born I would.   But I suppose at only five years in my past, that day still remains a fresh and vivid memory for me, so today I am remembering her arrival.
Remembering every small memory of that day.

Waking up to my water breaking.
Not knowing what to do.
Listening to my sister on the phone tell me, "Kristin, get to the hospital!"
Taking too much time to leave home.
Arriving at admitting with my eyes closed, standing alone and in so much pain as Kevin parked the car.
Opening my eyes in a delivery room.
The way the nitrous oxide made me feel clamy and woozy (was that supposed to help???)
The feeling of trust and dependence I had for Kevin and our nurse Nadine.
The relief I was surprised to feel when I was told I could push.
The complete feeling of "I knew it" when I saw a baby "penis."
My complete surprise when I heard "Its a girl" and realizing that I didn't see a penis (maybe umbilical cord?)
Confirming her name, Kamille Denae.
Asking "Is she ok?" over and over as they looked her over.
Watching Kevin tear up as he called his parents.
The complete surprise of telling our family we had a baby!  (She came 10 days early!)
Listening to Kamille prrrrrrr and sharing that sound over the phone with my mom.
Breastfeeding for the first time. Incredible.
Falling in love with her smell.
Being amazed by her tiny body.
Eating pizza that night with Kevin.
Watching snow fall through the skylight above.
Watching her all night until my eyes wouldn't stay open any longer.
Waking up to her sounds.
Feeling excited to leave the next day.
Walking out of the hospital and feeling as though I had won the jackpot.
So very very very happy.

I hope I never lose the recollection of your arrival Kamille.

Its amazing how much change five years can inspire.

You make us all smile.
You are our big girl and a big sister.
You continue to amaze me Kamille.

Happy Birthday my Love.
xoxo